


Little Red Riding Hood

by BadWitchOfTadfield



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Rewrite, Dom!Twelve, Episode: s08e01 Deep Breath, Episode: s08e02 Into the Dalek, Episode: s08e03 Robot of Sherwood, Episode: s08e04 Listen, Episode: s08e05 Time Heist, Episode: s08e06 The Caretaker, Episode: s08e07 Kill The Moon, Episode: s08e08 Mummy on the Orient Express, Episode: s08e09 Flatline, Episode: s08e10 In the Forest of the Night, Eventual Smut, F/M, Interspecies Relationship(s), POV Alternating, POV Clara Oswin Oswald, POV Twelfth Doctor, Red Riding Hood Elements, Season/Series 08, Slow Burn, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Sexual Tension, dark!twelve, episode rewrite, jealous!twelve, possessive!twelve, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26780467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWitchOfTadfield/pseuds/BadWitchOfTadfield
Summary: It's essentially a season 8 rewrite with a glimpse inside both the Doctor's and Clara's minds.Smut at the end because that's the reason I exist.
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor & Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald
Comments: 20
Kudos: 80





	1. Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Little red riding hood is Amanda Seyfried's version.  
> Also, some chapters will be shorter than others depending on the number of scenes I picked from said episode.
> 
> Enjoy and please leave a comment!

Hey there little red riding hood  
You sure are looking good  
You're everything a big bad wolf could want  
  
Little red riding hood  
I don't think little big girls should  
Go walking in these spooky old woods alone  
  
What big eyes you have  
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad  
Just to see that you don't get chased  
I think I oughta walk with you for a ways  
  
What full lips you have  
They're sure to lure someone bad  
So until you get to Grandma's place  
I think you oughta walk with me and be safe

Gonna keep my sheep suit on  
‘til I'm sure that you've been shown  
That I can be trusted walking with you alone  
  
Little red riding hood  
I'd like to hold you if I could  
But you might think I'm a big bad wolf so I won't

What a big heart I have  
The better to love you with  
Little red riding hood  
Even bad wolves can be good  
  
I try to keep satisfied  
Just to walk close by your side  
Maybe you'll see things my way  
'Fore we get to Grandma's place  
  


She walks into the TARDIS. Everything looks different. Everything has changed. And so has he. Gone is the gangly over-excited lad she knew; the new Doctor seems more poised, darker, harsher. Mature in ways and looks.

She can see him getting closer, rounding on her, like a predator on its prey, testing her, maybe. She stands her ground.

“Clara, I’m not your boyfriend” he says matter-of-factly. Stern but not harsh. Like explaining a rule to a disobedient child. Her eyebrows draw in confusion.

“I never thought you were” he averts his eyes.

“I never said it was your mistake” He looks ashamed, resigned maybe.

_I see the way you’ve been looking at me since I regenerated; I lost my chance, haven’t I?_

She looks surprised, her inflated eyes glint with something akin to hopefulness. Does that mean that he fancied her, too? Oh, wait. He didn’t. The younger him did. She somehow feels disappointed.

The Doctor masterfully changes the topic, showing off his outfit.

Clara has to admit he looks dashing. The ridiculous bowtie and suspenders have gone, in favour of a more elegant look. The shirt is pristine white, while vest, skinny jeans and rebellious doc martens are black. Even the coat is dark, the red lining making him look like some sort of magician. Prickly ways aside, she thinks this new reincarnation is much better looking. Not that she’s ever going to let him know that. _Not your boyfriend. Right._

The truth is that he _had_ to say that. A reminder to both himself and Clara in equal measure. They had been having too much fun, Clara and the other him. He had gotten lost in the charade, got too comfortable. But this new him felt things differently. Nine hundred years of isolation and now everything was a bit too much. Physical contact was foreign to him; spending time among people drained him like it never did, emotions that had been suppressed or forgotten had now resurfaced full force.

And that childish crush he’d had for Clara since he’d met her echoes, had developed into a feeling so intense and deep, he would call it love; except love didn’t even come close to the complexity of it. He had no idea what to do.

It scared him, this feeling. It was so strong. Violent, even. Eclipsing his reasoning mind at times. It was dark and it was light. It was possessiveness and togetherness. Love and lust. It made him feel stronger and weaker. Powerless and invincible, all at the same time.

The irony was that whatever Clara might have felt for bowtie had disappeared the moment he had regenerated. It had hurt to see the despair in her eyes. Stupid humans and their fixation with looks. No wonder he was bitter.

* * *

“Am I home?” She sounds a bit melancholic when she says that.

“If you wanna be” he’s beaming at her.

“I'm sorry. I'm, I'm so, so sorry” his smile slowly fades “but I don't think I know who you are anymore”

Clara’s mobile phone rings.

“You'd better get that. It might be your boyfriend” his eyes glint with amusement.

“Shut up. I don't have a boyfriend” _I could have, if I’d have known it before_. She tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

She walks outside to answer the call.

“Hello? Hello?” someone is panting on the other side.

“ _It's me_ ” she knows that voice.

“Yes, it's you. Who's this?”

“ _It's me, Clara. The Doctor_ ” She’s stunned into silence for a moment. Is this a joke?

“What do you mean, the Doctor?”

“ _I'm phoning you from Trenzalore_ ”

“I don't...”

“ _From before I changed. I mean it's all still to happen for me. It's coming. Oh, it's a-coming_ ”

Clara remembers replacing the TARDIS’ police phone back on its hook before walking inside.

“ _Not long now. I can feel it_ ” Oh God, that’s her Doctor phoning her. She thought she would never hear his voice again.

“Why? Why would you do this?”

“ _Because I think it's going to be a whopper, and I think you might be scared. And, however scared you are, Clara, the man you are with right now, the man I hope you are with, believe me, he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now and he, he needs you_.”

The Doctor comes out of the TARDIS as if prompted “So, who is it?”

“ _Is that the Doctor?_ ”

“Is that the Doctor?” She frowns at the echoing question.

“Yes” she answers to both.

“ _He sounds old. Please tell me I didn't get old. Anything but old_ ” she chuckles. God, she misses him.

“ _I was young. Oh, is he grey?”_

“Yes”

“ _Clara, please, hey, for me, help him. Go on. And don't be afraid_ ” the Doctor is standing in front of her, waiting.

“ _Goodbye, Clara. Miss ya_ ” she closes the call. Her Doctor is gone. She’s trying not to break into tears in front of the other Doctor.

“Well?” She pulls herself together.

“Well what?”

“He asked you a question. Will you help me?” _Please, don’t leave me._

“You shouldn't have been listening” he sighs frustrated.

“I wasn't. I didn't need to. That was _me_ talking!” _You don’t understand do you, Clara?_

“You can't see me, can you? You look at me, and you can't see me. Have you any idea what that's like?” she stares at him in silence. Pondering.

“I'm not on the phone, I'm right here, standing in front of you. Please, just, _just see me_ ” he sounds desperate now.

Clara moves forward and studies his face carefully. He looks so different, acts so different. She concentrates on his eyes. They are a different colour, a sort of greyish-blue, or blueish-grey she’s not sure, but as she looks closer, she can see her Doctor in them. All of time and space swirling inside his irises. She beams.

“Thank you” her voice almost breaks.

“For what?”

“Phoning” _For letting me say goodbye to him, you, whatever._

She throws her arms around his neck. He still smells the same. He was here. Her Doctor was here!

The timelord stiffens. Nine-hundred years he had gone without Clara’s hugs. They used to live in each other’s pockets before that, but now her mere touch seems to sear his skin. It feels foreign and kind of overwhelming. He doesn’t know whether it's a pleasant sensation or not.

“I-I don't think that I'm a hugging person now”

“I'm not sure you get a vote”

“Whatever you say”


	2. Into the Dalek

“Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara. Clara, Clara. Clara, Clara...” he turns his back to her, she frowns at the change in his voice.

“I need something from you. I need the truth” the gravelly timbre makes her hesitate. She had learned early on that this was his serious voice.

“Okay. Right. What is it?” she walks to him and copies his movement, sitting on the metal steps. “What's...”

He’s avoiding her eyes, a frown between his eyebrows, jaw tight.

“You're scared” what can a man like the Doctor be scared of?

“I'm terrified”

“Of what?”

“The answer to my next question, which must be honest and cold and considered, without kindness or restraint. Clara, be my pal and tell me, am I a good man?” the question startles her. It’s clear that the Doctor values her answer but she realises she has none to give.

“I don't know” he sighs and gets up.

“Neither do I” He’s at the console.

“Er, hey, no offence, but I've got plans”

“I need you” She mirrors his sigh.

“Right. Where are we going?” He pulls the lever.

“Into darkness”

* * *

Clara runs up the stairs fresh from a shower.

“How do I look?” he turns to her, _his clever girl_. Hadn’t it been for her, they would have certainly died today. He feels awfully proud. _You look beautiful as ever._

“Sort of short and roundish, but with a good personality, which is the main thing” he lies.

“I meant my clothes. I just changed” she deadpans.

“Oh, good for you, still making an effort” the TARDIS lands.

“Okay, right, you're back in your cupboard, thirty seconds after you left”

“When will I see you again?”

“Ehm. Soon, I expect. Or later. One of those” _As if I could spend more than a week away from you._

She knows by now not to expect punctuality from him. The last regeneration at least had tried to be on time... ish, but this one didn’t even bother. That was weird since it seemed he had gotten better at flying the TARDIS. Oh, well. She opens the door but hesitates a moment.

“I don't know” he turns, owlish eyes staring at her. She would never admit to finding that confused look adorable.

“I'm sorry?”

“You asked me if you're a good man and the answer is, I don't know. But I think you try to be and I think that's probably the point” the Doctor looks visibly relieved and she’s glad.

“I think you're probably an amazing teacher”

“I think I'd better be”

My impossibly clever girl, _my Clara_.


	3. Robots of Sherwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly the wole episode is a jealous!twelve masterpiece; I wouldn't have known which scene to choose and which to leave out, so here's to you a post-episode scene.

Clara looks at him like she looks at Robin Hood, eyes twinkling with awe and admiration and blind faith; they’re both heroes in her eyes. Except he isn’t. Not Really. Hell, he’s not even sure he’s a good man! Clara would run away screaming if she ever knew what really went on inside his brain sometimes. The depth of what he truly felt for her. His Clara; the first face this face saw. He’d imprinted on her, and now he needed her more than oxygen. It was like his brain reverted to caveman mode whenever she was too close. A whiff of her perfume was enough to halt all logical thinking, one word and he’d happily get to his knees for her. Clara, _his Clara_.

He enters the TARDIS and takes off. Away from the laughing idiot and his ridiculously perfect face. Clara still has that annoying starstruck look in her eyes, he holds back an eye roll. As he moves around the console, the Doctor takes his companion in; the lovely bouncy curls are framing her bare neck and clavicles so delectably, then he notices something distinctly different about her and freezes in the spot.

“Clara?” she turns to him, all dimples and gleaming eyes. He steps back.

“What happened when I wasn’t there?” He barely manages to suppress a growl.

“Mmmh? Oh, nothing much, I told Robin of the adventures that have been passed down, you know, about him and... and, well, I guess I did tell them a bit about you, too, b...”

“No.” he interrupts; his eyes gone dark.

“No?” Clara frowns.

“No.” he takes a menacing step forward again. “You smell different.”

“I- _Excuse me_?”

“You smell like disgusting human male hormones. Honestly, Clara, If I’d known you’d wanted to come here to...” a small finger was pushed into his chest.

“Finish that sentence and you’ll be regenerating again!” She whispered angrily. “How da-HOW DARE YOU! YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I SMELL LIKE DISGUSTING MALE HORMONES?!” she pushes herself away, furious.

“Because you were so busy playing ‘who’s got it bigger’ with Robin freaking Hood, that I was the one that was brought in front of the Sheriff! And what a lovely gentleman he was!” anger and sarcasm are coating her voice.

No. Oh, no. This was worse. No one was allowed to hurt his Clara!

“W-what happened?” he walked closer, scanning her body for hidden injuries. Why hadn’t she said a bloody word!

She sighed; the temper vanishing at the sight of his concerned face.

“Nothing much, really” she shrugged. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. Unpleasant, yes. But she’d had much worse.

“Clara, don’t lie to me. You took a jump in the pond after you met the Sheriff and the smell still lingers, that means that...” the Doctor trailed off.

He passes a hand on his face, ruffling his hair. “God, Clara, tell me he didn’t force himself on you”

Clara’s eye go wide. “God, no, Doctor!” she walks up to him, holding his hand reassuringly.

“Then what happened?” he looks way more affected by this than she is.

“He said something about wanting me as his queen and tried to kiss me. I squirmed away but one of those robots caught me before I could make a dash for it. He managed to get his disgusting kiss and groped my arse a bit. It’s honestly nothing I haven’t previously experienced on a night out.”

The Doctor looks at her in bewilderment. He knows that there are a lot of rubbish humans out there, it's not like he's naïve, on the contrary; but the thought of Clara being touched against her wishes makes him sick, and for it to happen so often that it was perceived as a normal occurrence makes him feel like hurting someone. His jaw tightens.

“Honestly, Doctor, it’s fine. I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.” She frowns at his enraged expression.

“What if he hadn’t stopped, mmh? What would have happened then?” he starts pacing the console. Hand in his hair.

Clara is taken aback, the Doctor seems to be genuinely shaken by what has happened. Frankly, she would have already forgotten about it had the Doctor not brought it up again.

“You have to be careful, Clara. You’re both clever and beautiful. You’re bound to draw the wrong person’s interest, now and again.” _How very ironic of you, Doctor._

_Be careful, little red riding hood, for there are wolves in the forest; said the big bad wolf._


	4. Listen

The date with Danny had been strained and awkward and an overall disaster and she desperately needs some time alone to think of a way to fix it. She really liks the guy, dammit! Why does everything in her life have to be so difficult?

She walks into the corridor and heads for her bedroom, more than ready to sulk on her bed for the remainder of the night but the door hits something as it opens. And there’s the Doctor, sitting at her vanity, waiting for her. Great. She _really_ needed this right now.

“You just have to squeeze through” she looks at the TARDIS parked right behind the door. She sighs internally.

“Doctor?”

“Why do you have three mirrors? Why don't you just turn your head?”

“What are you doing in here?” _Oh, nothing much. I knew you had a date and the thought of my impossible girl bringing a random guy to her bedroom was just a bit too much to take so I decided to make sure she doesn't._

“You said you had a date. I thought I'd better hide in the bedroom in case you brought him home”

“Bit early, aren't you? Did it all go wrong, or is this good by your standards?” If she had been paying a bit more attention, she’d have noticed the not-so-slightly pleased undertone to his voice.

“It was a disaster and I am extremely upset about it, since you didn't ask” _Good! That was good news!_

“Fine. I need you, for a thing”

“I can't”

But of course, the Doctor has to lure her in his big blue box and whisk her away while babbling about nightmares and monsters living under her bed.

Her mind is still reeling with too much information when the Doctor gently steers her closer to the controls. His hard chest pressing against her back, large hands covering her smaller ones. Suddenly her train of thought comes to a halt. His long slender fingers oh so delicately place her own in the telepathic interface. She supresses a shudder when he speaks in her ear, and is very disappointed when he’s pulling away so soon. She pays attention when he tells her not to think of anything rude or it might appear on the screens but, of course, her first thought is how good those deft elegant fingers would feel, filling her up so good. Heat envelops her and she shakes the thought away immediately, hoping the screens won't pick up on it. The Doctor isn't running away scared so, she thinks she's safe.

He’s enslaving the TARDIS to her. And, probably because her mind was already well in the gutter, she feels a rush of excitement curse through her at those words. The Doctor is handing over the reins of his most prized, if not only, possession to her without as much as an afterthought. He was trusting her with it, and it all felt so easy.

When Clara gets home, she ends up spending the rest of her evening thinking about Danny and his - their? – time-travelling relative from the future. That meant that she and him... they belonged together, right? But what if Danny never called her back after that disastrous dinner? Would Orson cease to exist? She makes up her mind and puts her heels and jacket back on. No, she wouldn’t let that happen.


	5. Time Heist

He walks in on Clara standing in her bedroom, half of her closet seemingly laying on her bed, still she’s wearing a short bathrobe and nothing more. He stares, how could he not.

She yells “OUT!” and slams the door behind him, so he busies himself wandering around her cosy flat. His masochistic brain making sure that the new memory it acquired stays burned in his retinas for a long time. His lovely tiny Clara, all wet and slippery from the long shower, skin reddish and soft and _delicious_.

When he hears her open the door, he starts making suggestions to coax her onto the TARDIS. He’s so looking forward to spending a full day with his companion. But his hopes are squashed immediately. She’s got plans. Plans that require high heels and an intolerable amount of makeup. He doesn’t like her plans.

He sends a big ‘Thank you’ to the universe when his police phone starts ringing.

* * *

“See you. Don't rob any banks” she’s strolling out of the TARDIS, fixing her _very distracting_ pantsuit _._

“Don't rob any banks what?”

“Without me!” she says matter of factly.

“Course not, boss" the door closes behind her, she misses the fond look on his face.

“Robbing a bank. Robbing a whole bank. Beat _that_ for a date” he smiles smugly to himself and takes off.


	6. The Caretaker

“I'm not a moron, Clara. And he's not the caretaker. He's... your dad. Your space dad” Both Clara and the Doctor cringe at that.

“Oh, genius. That is, that is really, really brilliant reasoning. How can you think that I'm her dad when we both look exactly the same age?”

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, this was bad. This was a disaster.

“We do not look the same age.” _Oh, right, you're not bowtie anymore._

“I was being kind. Right, I'm going to hypnotise him. I'm going to erase his memory” He points his sonic at him.

“Doctor, stop!” She puts herself in between Danny and the Doctor.

“Tiny little brain, only take a moment.”

“He's my boyfriend!”

“Well, I'll try not to erase the whole thing. I'll leave the bits that...” Wait, _what?_

“He's my boyfriend! I thought you'd figured this out”

“Him?” _But, what about...?_

“Yes, him _”_

“No, he's not” _What happened to bowtie?_

“Yes, he is” 

“Yes, I am”

“But he's a PE teacher. You wouldn't go out with a PE teacher. It's a mistake. You've made a boyfriend error” _Not him, God, please, not him! For a moment he’d thought that... that Cara had found a nice, safe, human version of him, well, the other him in any case. He could understand that. He could live with that but... PE?!? What did the toy soldier have that he didn’t?_

“I am not a PE teacher. I am a maths teacher!”

“You're a soldier!” He points his finger at his companion “Why would you go out with a soldier? Why not get a dog or a big plant?”

“Because I love him!” unfortunately, she only realises what she’s said after it leaves her mouth. _Did I really mean that?_

There is a moment of silence while the Doctor’s brain comes to a halt. _She what?_ He looks away, anywhere but her face. His chest feels tight and his eyes suddenly burn with unshed tears. He wills them away. _No, this can’t be happening._

“Why would you say that? Is this part of the surprise play?” Clara sighs.

“There is no surprise play”

“Oh, it's a roller coaster with you tonight, isn't it?” he turns his back on her, pacing, and passes a hand on his face. “What about the handsome one, the one with the bow tie?” he turns back to her.

“Who? Adrian? No, no, no. He's just a friend and _not_ my type” the Doctor makes a disbelieving face. Not her... He _knows_ what Clara had felt for the other him. How dare she!

“Clara, are you going to explain any of this? Who is this guy?” the timelord glares at her.

“The Doctor is...” he lifts his eyebrows expectantly.

“Go on” _Go and explain to him how you let me whisk you away in the middle of your dates to have incredible adventures. Maybe he won’t be around for too long, after all._

“Yes, explain. Who is he? Why have you never mentioned him?”

“Because he's an alien” _No shit, Sherlock._

“Er, are _you_ an alien?”

“No, no, no, I'm still from Blackpool. Me and the Doctor, we travel through time and space” the Doctor moves to the stage and pulls the curtains to reveal the TARDIS.

“Exhibit A” _Let’s see how quickly I can make you run away._

“It's called a TARDIS, but it's disguised as an old police phone box...” She explains, walking up to the Doctor and looking at him for her next line. “...and it's bigger on the inside than the outside”

The Doctor opens the TARDIS' doors “Voilà”

“...and we travel the universe in it”

Danny leans in and looks around, then at the outside, then the inside again. He doesn’t step foot in it.

The Doctor keeps staring at Clara resentfully, Clara who is looking at Danny, trying to gauge his reactions.

When the boy starts rambling about calling the army, she does the right thing and drags him away. He seems upset. _Good._

She asks whether he would be okay. He says yes, of course. The Doctor is always okay. _No, he wasn't._ He was furious. Furious with Clara for choosing a soldier, of all people. At himself, for acting like the scorned lover he clearly wasn’t. He should have known something like this would happened. It always happened. This was the beginning of the end. One of these days Clara was going to walk out of the TARDIS and choose to never come back again. All because of a stupid soldier.

“And when this is all over, you can finish the job” Clara turns concerned. The tone of his voice, his posture, the hard lines of his face all tell her that he is very angry at her, disappointed too, probably.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you've explained me to him. You haven't explained _him_ to _me_ ” she swallows. An unsettling feeling settles deep in her belly. She pointedly ignores it and takes Danny home.

The whole ride to his apartment is spent in total silence and Clara is almost sure he’s either going to run away screaming or dump her at any moment.

“What do you think? Say something”

“So... There's an alien, that used to look like Adrian. Then he turned into a Scottish caretaker, and every now and then, when I'm not looking, you elope with him” Clearly, he was still in shock. He probably didn’t believe half of what she’d told him, but he sounded really bothered.

“ _I don't elope_ ”

“Do you love him?”

“No” _That was too quick, wasn’t it?_

“Really had enough of the lies”

“Not in that way” she tries to look him in the eyes, she really does. She can barely finish the sentence.

“What other way is there?”

“You know what I mean!”

“I don't know what you mean. I know what you tell me, which isn't always the truth”

“Danny...” please, _please_ , drop it.

“Why do you do it? Why do you fly off in the box with him? The truth. Please, just this once”

“Because it's amazing” _Because_ he’s _amazing. And I am amazing too, when he’s with me._

“Because I see wonders” _Because with him, everything is possible, anything can happen._

“Okay” _just okay?!?_

“What are you thinking?” he chuckles drily.

“That's a good question. It's funny, you only really know what someone thinks of you when you know what lies they've told you. I mean, you say you've seen wonders, you've seen amazing things, and you kept them secret from me. So, what do you think of me, Clara?” _I... I don’t know._

“Please, tell me how I fix this”

“I just want to know who you are!”

“You know who I am!”

“When you're with him. When you're with the Doctor” she looks at her own reflection in the window and thinks of Orson Pink.

* * *

As soon as the Skovox is deactivated, she is jumping straight into Danny’s arms.

“Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you were amazing! Oh, my God, you were so brilliant!”

“Well, yeah, I was okay, wasn't I? I was behind you every step of the way. Had to make sure you were safe”

When the Doctor turns, he gets blinded by Clara’s radiant smile. The look she is giving Danny is so happy and proud and loving. And that’s when he understands. _She loves him. He makes her happy. I will have to let her go._

“you okay?” _No._

“Okay”

“Just okay?” she looks confused by their one-word exchange.

“It's all right, it doesn't matter. I don't need him to like me. It doesn't matter if he likes me or hates me, I just need to do exactly one thing for you. Doctor, am I right?” she turns to him half confused, half hopeful.

Maybe he’d been too quick to judge him. “Yes”

“What? What one thing?”

“I need to be good enough for you. That's why he's angry. Just in case I'm not” his eyes are stinging again. He turns back around. Clara is staring at him with her impossibly beautiful inflating eyes. He can’t stand it.

“He, er, he did just save the whole world” _He saved_ you _. But then again, you_ are _the whole world to me._

“Yeah, yeah. Good start” She smiles tearfully at him. _So, he really does care about me._

He should be happy for her. He’s not.


	7. Kill the Moon

Clara hurries Courtney out of the TARDIS and stops the Doctor as he lifts the brakes, ready to take off. He looks up puzzled at her.

“Tell me what you knew” she’s fuming.

“Nothing, I told you. I’ve got grey areas”

“Yeah, I noticed! Tell me what you knew Doctor or I’ll smack you so hard you’ll regenerate” He lifts an eyebrow but knows better than to comment.

“I knew that eggs are not bombs. I know they don’t usually destroy their nests. Essentially what I knew was that you would always make the best choice. I had faith that you’d always make the right choice.”

“Honestly, do you have music playing in your head when you say rubbish like that?”

“It wasn’t my decision to make, I told you” he shrugs.

“Then why d’you do it? W-was it for Courtney? Was that it, b...”

“Well, she really is something special now, isn't she? First woman on the moon, saved the Earth from itself, and, rather bizarrely, she becomes the President of the United States. She met this bloke called Blinovitch...”

“Do you know what? Shut up! I am so sick of listening to you”. Her voice trembles with barely suppressed rage. His blood runs cold, he rushes down the stairs.

“No, wait. I didn't do it for Courtney. I didn't know what was going to happen! What, do you think I'm lying?”

“I don’t know!” Oh. _Oh_. She’s crying now. No. No, no, no, no, no.

“I don’t know. If you didn’t do it for her. I mean...” she sniffs.

“Do you know what? It was, it was cheap, it was, pathetic. No, no, no. It was patronising.” She points her finger at him. “That was you patting us on the back, saying, you're big enough to go to the shops by yourself now. Go on, toddle along.” Alarm bells start playing in his head.

“No, that was me allowing you to make a choice about your own future. That was me respecting you”

“Oh, my God, really? Was it? Yeah, well, respected is not how I feel” She’s doing her best to hold back her sobs. _God, what have I done?_

“Right, okay, ehm...” _How do I fix this? I need to fix this._

“I nearly didn't press that button. I nearly got it wrong. That was you, my friend, making me scared. Making me feel like a bloody idiot.” Oh, God, _he_ was the bloody idiot!

“Language”

“Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language. DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME TO TAKE THE STABILISERS OFF MY BIKE. And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable” She approaches him and for a moment he’s scared. There was liquid fire in her eyes.

“You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breathe our air. You make us your friend, and that is your moon, too. And you can damn well help us when we need it!” 

“I was helping” _I always help!_

“What, by clearing off?”

“Yes”

“Yeah, well, CLEAR OFF! Go on. You can clear off. Get back in your lonely, your lonely bloody TARDIS and you don't come back.”

She’s striding to the door now. Tears streaming down her face. _She’s leaving._

“Clara. Clara!” She turns, hurt etched on her face. He's frozen on the spot.

“You go away. Okay? You go a long way away” the door slams with finality behind her.

What in the universe had just happened? Had Clara just left him for good?

No, of course not. She just needs a bit of time to cool off.

A heavy feeling settles in his stomach.

Yeah, just a bit of time.


	8. Mummy on the Orient Express (Part 1)

She phones him, sometime later.

Asks him to stop by, they need to talk.

He’s there in a nanosecond. He has a plan: Apologise and agree with everything she might say and swear to never do it again. That should work just fine for his little control freak.

Except that she barely gives him time to speak. She starts heatedly rambling before he is even out of the door.

She holds back, not even entering the TARDIS, she’s not looking at him but at his shoes.

She tells him again how scared she had been. That she had thought he wouldn’t be back for her. _I will always come back for you, Clara. Do you not know that?_

She’s angry and confused and hurt. She says she doesn’t know him anymore, not since... She doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t have to.

This new him was darker, harsher, _alien,_ to her.

She finally looks at him, she looks exhausted. He doesn’t dare open his mouth.

Pick a place in all of time and space, she says, and make it a good one because it’s gonna be my last. See you on Wednesday. Just like that she's out of the room.

He staggers back inside his blue box and sets off. He’s devastated. _Her last_ _trip. It couldn’t be._ Couldn’t she see how much he needed her!

He disappears for two weeks. Part of him hopes that time will make her change her mind, make her realise how much she’ll miss this. The rest of him is just dreading the moment, delaying the inevitable. The Doctor doesn’t do goodbyes. For a moment he ponders not to show up at all. Leave it at this. He knows Clara would hate him for that, he would probably hate himself, too, for his own cowardice, but at least he wouldn’t have to watch his Clara leave.

He makes up his mind and shows up with tickets to the Orient Express. Leads her to the wardrobe room and shows her the early 1900s selection. She looks excited and he counts that as a win. He leaves her to change not noticing how she’s scanning his chosen outfit with a pleasantly surprised look.

The Doctor is tinkering with an old radio in the control room. He looks up when he hears her footsteps approaching. The screwdriver slips from his fingers and hits the floor. _Christ, she looks delectable._

His eyes take in her dainty feet clad in period-appropriate kitten heels, moving up her shapely legs. He has to remind himself to close his mouth. The dress is so short he can almost see her knickers, the flaps giving a false sense of modesty. The neckline is plunging both in the front and in the back, enhancing her smooth back and her tantalizing cleavage.

She twirls in front of him; she’s wearing garters. _Dear God._

Her hair is shorter somehow, an invitation to sink his teeth in her bare neck and mark her as his.

His hearts summersault in his chest and he wonders briefly if this is how this incarnation was going to go. Death by Clara Oswald. Honestly, that doesn’t sound too improbable.

He swallows hard. The wave of arousal being tempered by the knowledge he is never going to see her again.

He looks at her face, she’s coloured it in again, he prefers it when she doesn’t. She’s smiling at him. Or not?

It’s weird, he can clearly see a smile on her lips but her eyes are glassy and not really looking at him, but through him. She looks sad.

* * *

He dresses up and calls her ‘my lady’ and takes her to the Orient Express. He never dresses up. He’s panicking; Clara’s leaving because he’s screwed up and now she hates him and _she’s leaving_.

He shows her to the lounge room, compartment, whatever. Everything looks fancy and sparkling. She likes these things, he knows it; knows her. He looks at her, proud of having guessed correctly. She’s smiling but her eyes are staring into nothingness. He can’t stand it.

“You’re doing it again” she turns to him.

“Doing what?”

“The smile.” She forces out a chuckle

“Yeah, I’m smiling” _All of this. I’m going to miss it. I want to remember it._

“Yes, the sad smile” her façade drops. He noticed. Of course, he bloody noticed.

“It’s a smile but you’re sad” _Don’t you like the place I chose? Just one world and we can hop back on the TARDIS and I’ll take you wherever you like. Anywhere. Even back to Robin Hood if that’s what you want. Just, please, don’t leave._

“It’s confusing. It’s like two emotions at once. It’s like you’re malfunctioning”

“Sorry” She can feel tears prickling at her eyes, she looks away. _I’m gonna miss you, you idiot._

He can feel their bond, friendship, whatever it is, dissolving into thin air. They are breaking apart and so are his hearts.

“I just thought that this would be a good one to...” she interrupts him. She can’t bear to hear it from him.

“...to end it. Yeah, it is. It’s a good choice. A good one to end it” She nods to herself. Her voice sounds way steadier than she feels.

“Yeah. Shall we?” he offers her his arm and leads them to a table. Gets them both champagne, taking a sip out of his own to swallow the lump in his throat.

Prompted by the onboard computer speaker, he starts talking about planets. Planets are safe. Clara loves planets. But she’s staring out the window looking miserable again. He sighs defeated.

“There’s that smile again. I don’t even know how you do that!” she laughs. _Good, laughing is good, isn’t it?_

“I really thought I hated you, you know?” _Well, turns out it isn’t._

“Well, thank God you kept that for yourself” His hearts throb painfully. He ignores them _. Planets, talk about planets._

“I did. I did hate you. In fact, I hated you for weeks” _Oh God, please, Clara, just..._

“Good, fine. Well, I'm glad that we cleared that up” Not good. Absolutely not good. _Do you want me sobbing on my knees, is that what you’re trying to do?_ _I won’t let you._

“There was also a planet that was made completely of shrubs...” Oh, but his Clara is stubborn.

“I went to a concert once. Can't remember who it was. But do you know what the singer said?”

“Frankly, that would be an absolutely astonishing guess if I did know”

“She said, ‘hatred is too strong an emotion to waste on someone that you don't like’”

“Were people really confused? Cos I'm confused. Did everybody leave?”

“Shush. Shut up. Look, what I'm trying to say is, I don't hate you. I could never hate you” he holds his breath and, for a tiny moment, he thinks she’s changed her mind. She’s staying with him.

“But I can't do this anymore. Not the way you do it” Aaand he’s back at the start again. He’s been led through yet another rollercoaster. Clara’s leaving. That’s a fact. There is no changing her mind. No amount of champagne or good times will. A sense of finality settles in between his hearts. It hurts.

_It’s over. Say goodbye, Doctor._


	9. Mummy on the Orient Express (Part 2)

They’re in the train corridor bantering, as usual. She’s smiling, the real thing this time. Twinkling eyes and all. For a moment everything seems right in the universe. Until he realises this might as well be the last time he sees her smile. He swallows.

“To our last hurrah” he holds up his glass.

Clara feels cold dread rising in her veins. He’s said it. It’s real. Her smile slowly vanishes.

“Our last, yeah. But, I mean, it's not like I'm never going to see you again” _Oh God, is it?_

“Isn't it?” _Oh God, oh God, oh God, that tone._

“Is it?” _of course you stupid girl! No adventure equals no Doctor._

“I thought that's what you wanted” He’s staring impassively at her. She steps closer apprehensively.

“No, what I mean, you know. You're going to come round for dinner or something, aren't you? Do-do you do that? Do you come round to people's houses for dinner?” Even this close his face is inscrutable. Voice low and distant.

“Of course. Why wouldn't I do that?” Lie. _Oh God, that was a lie_ , _he was lying to her!_ As soon as she steps off the TARDIS he’ll be gone. _For good_. Reality starts settling in. She is freaking out now.

“I don't know. I thought you might find it boring” _I’ll never see you again!_

“Is it boring?” she doesn’t know how he can sound so unaffected when she’s a second away from a panic attack. It’s infuriating.

“No.” They’re staring each other down now. She doesn’t even blink, afraid of missing some vital information if she does. She loses herself in his bottomless eyes. They look old and tired. She’s terrified of what that might mean.

She scolds her features into a smile and raises her glass “To the last hurrah” _Goodbye, Doctor._

For a moment she swears she can see a flicker of sorrow in his eyes “The last hurrah” _Goodbye, Clara._

They both look down as their flutes clink together.

* * *

Maisie and Clara sit down on a crate inside the storage room.

“This Doctor. He's your what, exactly?” the blonde’s tone is alluding. Clara smirks knowingly.

“He's not my anything”

“Oh, you mean you're just friends” she sounds a little disappointed

“Yeah, Of course we're just friends. Well, not even friends, not anymore”

“Well, that clearly isn't true”

“It's true. It is. It's very true”

“You do seem to be here together” Oh, please, just drop it.

“Seriously? We're stuck in this carriage, probably all night, and all we can talk about is some man?”

“ _Some man_?” Maise is giggling now.

“Not that kind of...” oh, fuck it, who is she kidding.

“Look, we, er, we knocked about together, we travelled and now we're stopping. This is a, I don't know, goodbye to the good times?”

“Were the good times all like this?” Clara laughs a little.

“Yeah. Now that you mention it” _And I loved all of them._

“Too bad. Your Doctor looks quite handsome” Maisie smirks at her, and she smiles to herself, embarrassed.

“So, what exactly happened between you two?” Clara sighs and proceeds to narrate the whole story.

“Oh, he was wrong...”

“Yes. Yes. Yes, he was”

“...and, and high-handed and, and thoughtless and, and, and arrogant beyond belief”

“Exactly” she feels better now that she’s telling someone - Danny notwithstanding, he never liked the Doctor anyway.

“And you got on a train with him!” Maisie sounds positively horrified.

“I was saying goodbye. You can't end it on a slammed door!”

“Yes, you can! Anyone can do it. People do it all the time. Except, of course, when they can't.” Did this woman just call her out on her perfectly arranged excuses?

“Life would be so much simpler if you liked the right people. People you're supposed to like. But then, I guess there'd be no fairy tales.” No. No, there wouldn’t. Never again. Would she be okay with that?

* * *

Clara wakes up wrapped in a blanket and lying on another plaid one. The Doctor is scratching at the sand with a stick, doing maths in Gallefreyan or something.

“Oh hello, again. Sleep well?”

“Weren't we just on a train?” Clara’s mind feels foggy.

“Oh, that was ages ago”

“And?”

“And what? Oh, and we got off the train. Oh, well, the teleporter worked eventually. Beamed everyone into the Tardis. No casualties, just a bevy of sleeping beauties. I tried hacking Gus from the Tardis, find out who set this all up. He really didn't like that. Set off some fail-safe thing. Blew up the train”

“ _Blew up the train_?”

“Blew up the train. But we got away. Then I dropped everyone off at the nearest civilised planet, which happened to be here. You seemed happy asleep, so I just left you” She smiles realising he was the one to put the blanket on her.

“So, you saved everyone”

“No, I just saved you and let everyone else suffocate. Ah, ah, ah” Something told her that he wouldn’t hesitate to do just that, were he ever faced with the choice.

“So, when you lied to Maisie, when you made me lie to Maisie...”

“I couldn't risk Gus finding out my plan and stopping me”

“So, you were pretending to be heartless” He takes a long good look at her; so tiny and hopeful, hugging her plaid cover.

“Would you like to think that about me? Would that make it easier?” _Would thinking I’m a sheep in wolf’s clothing make you stay?_

“I didn’t know if I could save her. I couldn't save Quell, I couldn't save Moorhouse. There was a good chance that she'd die too. At which point, I would have just moved onto the next, and the next, until I beat it.” _I’m not your dashing young hero, Clara._

_It was easy to pretend I was, and I got lost in the charade, but that’s all it was, an act. I never was a hero. I am me. I can’t be anybody else. I need you to understand that._

“Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones but you still have to choose”

* * *

Perkins left. It was time to take Clara home. For the last time. Forever. He hesitates. Tries to buy himself some time.

She is giving her back to him, staring pensively at the TARDIS doors.

He lets himself admire her figure. She is such a lovely sight in that dress. _Please, don’t leave me, Clara._

Suddenly she turns around.

“Do you love it?”

“Love what?”

“I know it's scary and difficult, but do you love being the man making the impossible choice?”

“Why would I?” he fiddles with the controls, hiding form her searching gaze.

“Because it's what you do, all day, every day”

“It's my life”

“Doesn't have to be. Is it like...” he looks up, gets closer.

“Like what?” _What answers are you looking for, my Clara?_

“An addiction?” _Oh, Clara,_ you _are my addiction._

“Well, you can't really tell if something's an addiction till you try and give it up”

“And you never have” _I’m about to._

“Let me know how it goes”

Clara's phone rings. She hesitates for a moment, then walks up to the mezzanine to answer it.

“Hey, Danny. How are you?” The Doctor’s listening in. Clara would kill him if she knew he can do that, but at this point it doesn’t really matter anymore.

“ _Fine. So, is it done?”_ Yes, it’s done. It’s over. She’ll never set foot in the TARDIS again.

“Yep. Mission accomplished. Listen, I can't talk now but I'll see you soon and... ehm” she looks down at the Doctor, he’s still fiddling with the controls. Clara knows he’s trying to listen in to her conversation. She knows him well. She’s never gonna see him again. Oh God, why does it feel like dying?

“I love you.” She’s looking at the Doctor as she says it. Realization slowly dawning on her.

The pain between his hearts grows and throbs and _burns_ as she says those words to someone else but he keeps his face stoic and blinks away the tears.

“ _I love you, too_ ” He better. If Clara was to leave him, she’d better be happy and loved. She deserved nothing less. He takes a moment to compose himself.

She doesn’t even remember she’s on the phone with Danny until he answers back. She quickly ends the call. _I can’t do it. I can’t leave him._ _Why am I doing this to myself?_

“Was that Danny, what did he want?” He feigns ignorance. Not that it mattered. Nothing did. In a minute his Clara would be walking out the door and he will never see her again. He averts his eyes; it hurts to look at her.

She takes a deep breath and makes her decision. “He’s fine with it!” She’s rushing down the stairs. The knot in her throat loosening.

The Doctor looks confused “Sorry, I...”

“Danny. He’s fine with the idea of me and you knocking about. It’s his idea that we stop but, he's decided he doesn't mind and neither do I. Oh, to hell with the last hurrah. Let's keep going!”

She is standing right in front of him now, bright eyes and dimples and, oh God, he _needs_ to kiss her.

 _Clara wasn’t leaving._ Relief crashes over him. His impossible girl was staying and she looked happy and all he wanted was to pull her into his arms and never let go.

“That's a big change of heart!” The apathetic look is finally gone. He’s smiling warmly at her, now. A rare sight in this incarnation.

“Yeah, they happen”

“ _Seriously_?” he can’t stop grinning.

“Look, as long as you get me home safe and on time, everything is great. I am so sorry. I've had a wobble. It's a big wobble, but it's fine. Forget about it. Now, _shut up_ and give me some planets”

“Well, I'm glad that you said that, because you know that one that's made entirely of shrubs...” He hesitates one more time. “Are you sure about this?”

“Are you? Have you ever been sure?” she smirks knowingly at him.

“ _No_ ” Clara knows him too well.

“Then what are you waiting for? Let's go!”

They each place a hand on the ignition levers and, together, they pull, sending the TARDIS into the time vortex.


	10. Flatline

The thing latches to her optical nerve and suddenly he can see what she sees; which is all cool and useful until his throaty voice in her ear starts having a distinctive effect on her.

She’s brought back to their bank heist a few months before; her brain had almost been turned to soup because she had failed to keep her mind blank. Too distracted by the Doctor’s deep timbre resonating in her ears. That, combined with the amount of guilt she felt every time she thought about him that way, had brought the Teller straight to her.

Luckily there would be no such creatures this time around.

* * *

They walk out of the TARDIS, everybody seems grateful to be alive, the driver is kissing the ground, Rigsy is calling his mum. She notices the Doctor is standing at a distance, he’s got a preoccupied frown on she can’t quite translate, but she pays him no mind cause people are thanking her, for saving their lives. Not the Doctor, _her_. She can’t hide the fact that it feels good.

“You look chipper”

“Do people still say chipper?”

“Apparently. Are you okay?” she nods.

“I'm alive”

“And a lot of people died” the community service guy interjects before he can add anything.

“It's like a forest fire, though, isn't it? The objective is to save the great trees, not the brushwood. Am I right?”

“It wasn't a fire, those weren't trees, those were people!”

“They were Community Payback scumbags; I wouldn't lose any sleep”

“I bet you wouldn't”

“It's good to be alive though. Thank you. Seriously, thank you!” the idiot walks off.

“Yes, a lot of people died and maybe the wrong people survived.”

“Yeah, but we saved the world, right?” _Why is she taking it all so well?_

“We did. _You_ did”

“Okay, so, on balance...”

“Balance?”

“Yeah, that's how you think, isn't it?”

“Largely so other people don't have to” _What have I turned you into?_

“Yeah, well, I was you today. I was the Doctor. And, apparently, I was quite good at it” She looks coyly up at him.

“You heard that, did you?”

“Yeah, but the power was going off so I suppose you were delirious. You didn't know what you were saying”

“ _Yes_ ” he has an undecipherable look on his face, his tone is weird too. Before she can address it, they are being interrupted again. This time by Rigsy.

“Ah! The return of the fluorescent pudding brain!”

“You do realise he can hear you now?”

“I know. Your last painting was so good it saved the world. I can't wait to see what you do next” Rigsy chuckles.

“It's not going to be easy. I've got a hair band to live up to” He holds out his hand to Clara “Thanks”

“Come here” she pulls him in for a hug, then she waits for him to leave, before turning to the Doctor.

“Admit it. I did well” Her phone rings, interrupting them yet again. It's Danny.

“Is that PE?” He sounds annoyed. She picks the 'I'm in a meeting' text option and ignores it. She has more pressing matters now.

“Just say it. Why can't you just say it? Why can't you just say I did good?" 

“Talk to soldier boy!”

“It's not him.” she lies, she sounds really bothered now “Come on, why can't you say it? I was the Doctor and I was good!" _God, what have I done._

“You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara”

“Thank you” She looks pleased. She shouldn't be.

“Goodness had nothing to do with it”

_I turned you into a liar, I forced you to think like me. I just wanted you to understand how it feels to be me, for you to see things my way, for once. I never imagined you’d become like me. I never wanted that for you. I’ve tainted you. Forgive me, Clara._


	11. In the Forest of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but you know, life...  
> The smut is coming and oh, it's going to be sooo angsty. *evil laugh*

“Doctor? Look! Behind us. The path we just walked down. It's overgrown already”

The Doctor spots a pink phone from the ground and picks it up. “Clara!”

“Why would she put her phone down?”

“Doesn't want to be followed? Lost a hold of it in a struggle? Left it as a clue, so we would know where she was going... Trail of breadcrumbs. Hansel and Gretel!”

“I'm actually frightened. I never get frightened. Why am I frightened?”

“You just lost a little girl”

“Yes, that is a worry, but I know you'll find her. No, no, no. This is not a worry; this is a dread. _Maebh!_ ”

“You're pursuing a little lost girl through a mysterious forest. The path has disappeared. You find yourself with a strangely compelling masculine figure. _Maebh!_ ”

“Any minute now we're going to find a gingerbread cottage with a cannibal witch inside. _Maebh!_ ”

“Exactly. The forest. It's in all the stories that kept you awake at night. The forest is mankind's nightmare.”

* * *

“How did she know this?” The Doctor pulls out Maebh’s copybook.

“What is it?”

“This is a massive solar flare headed for Earth, like the one that destroyed the Bank of Karabraxos. I've got an entire Tardis and I didn't notice this. But she knew. How?”

“This is Maebh's. Where did you get this?”

“You left your marking on the Tardis”

“Oh, great, right, well, that's just brilliant, isn't it? You don't think Danny saw this, do you?” _Seriously, Clara?!_

“I've just informed you that a solar flare is going to wipe out your planet. You're worried about a row with your boyfriend? How did she know this? She even put the date on it!”

“I always make them date their homework”

“ _It's today's date!_ ”

“Well, there must be... a way?”

“They want something. They're saying something. If there is a way, the way is Maebh Arden”

“Okay, you know they're not really gifted and talented, don't you? I just tell them that to make them feel good”

“She's lost someone. People who've lost someone, they're always listening, always looking, always hoping. So, they notice more. They hear more”

An animal howls in the distance.

“Was that a howl?” An answering howl comes from the other side of the forest. “Was that a wolf? No. That is impossible. We're in London!”

“Would that be the London with the zoo? The zoo with the pack of wolves? The zoo whose barriers and gates have probably been mangled by the trees? No, wolves are not impossible. _Stick to the path, Red Riding Hood_ ”

“There is no path”

The wolves keep howling.

“Then we're lunch”

* * *

“Maebh, you came looking for the Doctor, think! Who sent you for the Doctor?”

“It was just a thought! It was just a thought that came. I think it came from Miss” Danny turns to look at Clara reproachfully.

The Doctor walks off, he’s desperately searching for a solution. Finds none. Clara follows him, he’s covering his face with his hand, that is a bad sign. She can read his pained expression immediately.

“This really is gonna happen, isn’t it?”

“Stars implode, planets grow cold, catastrophe is the metabolism of the Universe. I can fight monsters; I can’t fight physics!” He can barely contain the frustration in his voice. _There has to be a way!_

“Why would trees want to kill us? We love trees”

“You’ve been chopping them down for furniture for centuries! If that’s love, no wonder they’re calling down fire from the heavens”

“But we saw the future! Lots of futures. _Earth_ ’s futures”

“They’re about to be erased” He sounds so final when he says that. Resigned. _Okay. The earth is going to be destroyed. No big deal. Right? Think, Clara, think._

_Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones but you still have to choose._

“If you can’t save them all, save what you can” he looks down at her.

“TARDIS. It’s a life boat, isn’t it? Not everybody has to die” _How can she be so calm? This is her home, how could she...? Oh, Clara, what_ have _I turned you into?_

* * *

“When they’re done you need to get in your box and go” she looks at him meaningfully.

“We’re all going. We’re taking the kids!”

“Taking them where? What’re you gonna do with them? Leave them on an asteroid? Or the space academy for the gifted and talented? They just want their mum and dads and they’re never gonna stop wanting them!” _No, no, not this again. Not this time._

He leans closer to her ear.

“I can save you and Danny”

“Danny Pink would never leave those kids so long as he is breathing” _And I would never leave you so long as_ I _am breathing._

“I can save _you_ ”

“I don’t want you to”

“What, you don’t want to _live?!?_ ”

“Of course, I wanna live, but I just...”

“What?”

“Don’t make me say it” _Clara, please._

“Say what?”

“I don’t wanna be the last of my kind” Oh. _Oh._

“Then why did you bring us all here?” She smiles sadly up at him. _God, he hates those smiles with all his hearts._

“Because it’s the only way to get you back to the TARDIS. Make you think you’re saving someone. Well, you know what, Doctor?” She opens the TARDIS door with her key.

“This time, the human race is saving you” She tries to ignore the wavering in her voice. “Make it worthwhile” _No._

“This is my world, too. I walk your earth; I breathe your air” _There’s no chance I’m leaving you here to die._

“And on behalf of this world. You’re very welcome! Now, go. Save the next one” They look at each other. _I can’t let her die. I have to think of something. Now._

He buys himself time with Maebh, it doesn’t work. Clara is walking away from him. To join the others, to join _Danny_. Waiting for the end of the earth. He looks at her for what might be the last time and leaves before his stupid eyes betray him.

She can feel him staring at her retreating back and fights every urge she has not to turn around. _You’re doing this for him. You’re saving him._

“Where is he going?”

“Home. He’s going home” _Please,_ _God, please, be safe, Doctor._

* * *

“That is amazing. How will they explain this tomorrow?”

“You'll all forget it ever happened”

“We are not going to forget an overnight forest”

“You forgot the last time. You remembered the fear and you put it into fairy stories. It's a human superpower, forgetting. If you remembered how things felt, you'd have stopped having wars. And stopped having babies”

All this thinking is going to get her a migraine, she’s sure.

She is completely torn between two lives, two men. God, she is ashamed of herself.

Danny. Sweet, romantic, predictable Danny. He was caring and practical and had his priorities straight.

He had saved her from a tiger, and had just told her she was more amazing than entire universe. But what did he know about universes?

He was understanding to a fault. He’d found the markings she had left behind, proof that she had been lying to him, and instead of making a scene he only told her that he deserved her sincerity. Gosh, he did. He deserved more than that. He was amazing and deserved a girlfriend that was there for him. He deserved all of her.

She is staring at the solar flare from her balcony, the Doctor by her side. She has been biding her time, delaying the inevitable for too long now. She has to make up her mind.

“You know, I was never going to leave you here, right?” he turns to her “If the world had really been ending, I mean.” She turns to him, too.

“I know you probably would have hated me for going against you wishes, I wouldn’t have cared. Clara, I could never let you die. Not if I can avoid it.” he exhales slowly, he looks tired, weary. He’s wearing the same look he had on the Orient Express. Does he think she’s going to leave him?

“Doctor...” the timelord interrupts her, she really doesn’t know what she was about to say, anyway.

“I heard what Mr Pink said to you earlier” she frowns.

“That you are more amazing than entire universes” He turns back to look at the view. She keeps staring at him.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about” Clara’s stomach plummets. Tears spring at the corner of her eyes, she looks down at her feet. She knew the Doctor would always choose his beloved space over her, that was why... That was why she had Danny. Caring, loving, Danny and their future time-travelling grandchildren. For the day the Doctor would stop choosing her. Her future suddenly feels claustrophobic.

“But, surprisingly, he’s right.” Her head snaps up. _What?_

“And, unlike PE, I know what I’m talking about” she’s staring at him with eyes wide like saucers. Had he read her mind?

He still isn't looking at her. He pushes himself away from the railing and heads back toward the living room, to the TARDIS. His shoulders are hunched, his steps heavy. She gets the feeling that she’s been very wrong about this new Doctor.

“Doctor?” he stops, but doesn’t turn around.

“See you on Wednesday, yeah?” for some reason she needs to make sure. She hears him take a breath and slowly releasing it.

“ _Always_ ” and then he’s inside his box. Papers flying around as the TARDIS dematerializes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments, please keep them coming!!!


	12. Communication Lapse

Three weeks go by with no sign of the Doctor. She tells herself it’s no big deal, he will show up with a perfectly good explanation. The truth is that she’s terrified of being left behind. She has been having this nagging feeling in her belly ever since that day on the balcony. That the Doctor was going to leave her behind without so much as a goodbye. It hurts. She’s wound tight all the time, listening for the blessed sound of the TARDIS, standing at attention every time she sees a silver haired man walk past her. She misses him like crazy.

Danny has, of course, noticed something’s wrong but had yet to say anything. Sweet, caring Danny. Without the Doctor around to interrupt them, she’d have thought that their relationship would have benefitted. Instead, it seems to her that things are slowly but surely spiralling out of control. They can’t seem to see eye to eye. It’s clear by now that they have very different priorities and Danny’s mere presence has been the opposite of welcome lately.

She can see Danny’s endless patience reaching its bottom end so she agrees to a fun night out, despite not being in the mood. She forces herself to enjoy the evening and to give Danny the attention he clearly needs and deserves.

They go to a pub, drink and dance. They chat about unimportant things and drink some more. She actually, genuinely, has a great time and thinks that maybe she was wrong.

When he takes her home, she invites him in. They haven’t been doing this for a while, she realises. The fact that she hadn’t noticed or felt the need to should be telling. As soon as their jackets are off, she’s kissing him, hard. He grabs her shoulders and slows her down, turning the kiss gentle, loving. Before she knows it, her knees are hitting her bed and she’s falling backwards. _How did they get to the bedroom?_ Suddenly Danny is everywhere, his body weight pressing her into the mattress, his beard scratching at her throat, his smell; she’s suffocating.

Her hands instinctively push against his chest. He stops and looks up at her.

“Sorry, Danny, I... I’m so sorry...” she licks her lips; she doesn’t know what else to say. His eyes scan her from head to toe taking in her withdrawn stance even in the moonlit room. He frowns and pulls away to sit at the end of the bed, hands passing over his face. His shoulders move up and down as he sighs defeated. Guilt gnaws at her insides.

“Why?” is what he asks. She hesitates. She knows why, but she can’t very well tell him that.

“I guess I’m just too tired” he sighs again.

“Have you been travelling while I wasn’t looking again?” she can hear the badly-disguised bite in his voice.

“Actually, I haven’t seen him since the overnight forest thing” she sees him nodding. “I see.”

“See what?” he shakes his head in what looks like disappointment.

“He goes away for a couple of weeks and you can barely function” he chuckles drily, it’s not a good sound.

When she opens her mouth to answer her voice lacks all the conviction it was meant to have “No, Danny, I...”

“Just tell me one thing. Have you been fucking him?” the sentence hits her like a blow to the head.

“ _Excuse me_?!?” She gets out of the bed. She knows the anger she’s feeling now has little to do with the assumption Danny has made but rather with the fact that that statement will likely never be true.

“Just answer the question, Clara”

“Of course not! How... Do you really think so low of me?” Danny’s eyes snap up to hers, Burning with anger. She has never seen him like this.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think. I never know what to think with you. But you have lied to me countless times, so is it such a stretch for me to think you’ve been cheating, too?”

He’s striding out of the room, to the corridor. She wants to run after him. Tell him he’s wrong, to come back to bed. Instead she watches silently from the bedroom door as her grabs his jacket and makes for the front door.

He stops to look at her “I think it’s time we both face the fact that you don’t want to be with me. Not really.” She doesn’t say a word as he closes the door behind him and leaves.

Two minutes and she’s still standing there. She can’t believe she’s let Danny walk away without saying a word. It should hurt; it doesn’t. She tries not to think of Orson Pink, disappearing from existence somewhere in her future.

She’s mad. Mad at herself for letting Danny go without a fight, and at the Doctor for being such an addiction to her. _Clara, I’m not your boyfriend._ She picks up the first thing at hand, which happens to be a rock she had gotten as a souvenir from that shrub planet, and she throws it against the door with a scream; she watches it shatter into million pieces on the floor. She grabs her coat and heads out.

* * *

The Doctor is floating in the vortex. Busying himself with ship maintenance and various tinkering, which is currently made almost impossible by his trembling hands. He drops the sonic for the hundredth time and sighs, _I give up_ , he rips the goggles off his head and throws them somewhere, pressing his fists into his eyes until he starts seeing colourful dots.

He stands and heads to his room. A warm shower would do him good. Take his mind off of things. Off of Clara. He feels his hearts constrict painfully in his chest. _No, don’t think about her._ He stumbles in the corridor, holding himself up against the wall with a hand, the other one pressed to his chest, willing his organs to behave. _Death by Clara Oswald_ , he laughs. He laughs openly and at length in the emptiness of his ship, he laughs until tears are streaming down his face; and then he cries. He thinks back to the last time he’s seen her. Bathed by the warm, fading light of the solar storm. Five months ago.

He crumbles to the floor, sobbing in his hands. Every fibre of his being misses her. He feels hollow and useless, but he can’t, _won’t_ go back. It’s better this way. He has already done enough damage, turned her into a liar, a danger seeker; She would have never left of her own choice, he knew that now. He had gotten her addicted to the adventure. But Clara has a life on earth, she has love, on earth, and she deserves to live it. _I don’t want to be the last of my kind._ She deserves to live her own life, away from the danger, away from him. So, he left. No last hurrahs, no teary goodbyes. Clara will be furious, he knows. But it is for the best. She’ll understand, one day, and she’ll thank him.

He slowly gets up and makes his way to his room. _Go and be happy, Clara._

* * *

Clara's drunk out of her mind; her peripheral vision hazy and the noises reaching her ears are muffled. She's sprawled against the counter, waving her glass at the bartender, which is pointedly ignoring her. If she were more sober, she'd be wondering why she isn't hugging a toilet yet.

Suddenly there's a hand on her lower back, a guy leans in over the bar "Excuse me, sweetheart, are you deaf by any chance? I believe the lady has been asking for a drink." He hands out his debit card. The girl looks annoyedly at him and then back at her, a worried frown on her face.

"You know what? I've had too much already. Maybe another time, mmh?" She tries to sound as sober as possible, hoping the guy would get the hint and leave her alone. No such luck obviously.

"As the lady wishes." He smirks at her and makes a show of putting away his card. His hand finds its way to her back again, a bit lower than before. She straightens in her seat and coughs. She's too drunk to tell the guy off. So, she slides off her seat "Sorry, bathroom" and hurries for the stalls.

When she's safely in the ladies’ room she washes her face as much as she can without ruining her make up. Hoping the cold water would bring her some clarity. She does look a proper mess. Then she pats her jacket for her phone, she needs to call an uber. She has a second to realise that the phone is still probably on the bar counter before the door opens and the same guy from before walks in. _Oh God, no, please._

"Thought I'd better come check on you. In case you weren't feeling well. Come on, love, I'll take you home"

"No need. As you can see, I'm perfectly fine, thank you" He lifts his eyebrows and she prays to a God she doesn't believe in, that he decides she’s not worth the risk.

He doesn't. Instead, he approaches her with a crocked smile on his face until she can smell his alcohol laden breath. Running his hand up her thigh and squeezing her bottom. She shuts her eyes tightly and turns her face to the side. _I can't believe this is happening. God, make it stop._

Suddenly she feels a woosh of air and the hands are gone. She opens her eyes in time to see the Doctor land a punch right in the guy's face.

“Doctor!” As he turns to her she sees a dangerous glint in his eyes but it’s gone before her intoxicated brain has time to process it.

The timelord takes her in from head to toe, she’s scantily clothed and clearly drunk. _Five months._ He wants to pull her in his arms and never let her go again. He can’t. Instead he turns around and walks away, back to his box, Clara in tow.

“Doctor? _Doctor!”_ She walks inside as the timelord is already at the controls. “Where have you been?” Silence.

“What? Have you gone mute in the three weeks you’ve been gone, mmh?” the TARDIS lands somewhere. She doesn’t move.

“You’re home” He says it in such a low voice she can barely make out the words.

“That’s all very well, Doctor, but I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’ve decided to disappeared for almost a month!”

“Have I?” he feigns ignorance “Been busy” she shoots him a stern look.

“You have a time machine” she dead-pans. He pretends to be occupied with the levers and switches.

“You know, it kind of feels like you’ve been avoiding me... Are you mad at me? Is that why you didn’t come? To teach me a lesson?”

“And why, pray tell, would I be mad at you?” he scratches his forehead.

“I don't know. Because I tricked you. I made you think you were saving someone... Look I’m sorry, okay? I just wanted you to be safe”

“I know”

“Then why... I know it’s stupid, but I thought you weren’t going to come back. I don’t know why. The way you left, last time. It felt like you were about to say goodbye. For a moment I thought you were going to leave me behind and I couldn’t-“ she sobs; she hadn’t even registered she was crying “you were coming back, were you?”

He stops fidgeting with the controls. Back turned to Clara. He can hear her catching her breath, waiting for an answer that would wipe away her fears. Except, he’s done lying to her.

“Doctor?” He lets the silence speak for itself.

“Oh my God, you-” her voice breaks “ _Oh my God!_ You weren’t. You were going to abandon me here. No goodbye. Not even a stupid message. Nothing!” she’s sobbing so hard now; she can barely get any air.

He tries not to move, not to turn around and look at her. One look would be enough to undo him, he knows. He hears her heels clanking against the metal floors, and hopes she’s decided to leave. Instead, he’s suddenly and quite forcefully turned around, Clara’s whole weight slams into his chest, driving his hips against the controls. Her small fingers grab the fabric of his shirt, crumpling it into fists. She’s trembling against him, knees moments from giving away. And he tries, he truly does try his best, not to respond to that. To pull her away and send her home. But, apparently, his corporation doesn’t agree because his arms are closing around her tightly, pulling her as close as he can, and he’s burying his face in her hair. There’s wetness on his cheeks, he ignores it.

When she finally speaks, its barely a whisper against his chest “Why?” He swallows.

“You asked me if this, my life, was an addiction. You asked because you realised you were becoming addicted to it, too. Didn’t you? I was so happy that you’d changed your mind, back on the Orient Express, that I didn’t want to look into it. I’m sorry it took me so long to understand what I was turning you into.” He shakes his head reproachfully.

“You’re addicted to this life, Clara. You started to think like me, to put things on a balance and always see the bigger picture. That’s not how humans are supposed to think. I turned you into an adrenaline junkie, a liar. You lied to Danny, to me, maybe even to yourself, which is worse. One of these days you’re going to put yourself in real danger and I won’t be able to save you.”

“Doctor...”

“Clara, I left because I knew you would never be able to give this up on your own” he sighs, defeated.

“Doctor, I’m done lying. I’ve done that enough” her voice is muffled by his shirt “Me and Danny, we’re... it doesn’t matter” She feels him stiffen against her body. “That doesn’t mean I want to give up my life on earth. My family, my job, my flat; I love all of those things and I don’t want to give them up.” She looks up at him with watery eyes. She realises she’d never been this close since he’d regenerated. “I also don’t want to give this - _you_ – up. I don’t care if you call this an addiction. I don’t care if it’s dangerous. It’s not your job to protect me, Doctor”

“Clara...” again, he’s shaking his head.

“No, shut up. It’s not. Okay?” Her stare is unwavering. “We’ve been travelling together for a long time; I know what to expect. I don’t need you to save me” He wants to tell her how very wrong she is, but somehow the way she’s looking at him makes him desist.

“Yeah, well, tell it to that guy in the bathroom” her chuckle reverberates through his ribcage.

“Yeah, thank you for that. By the way, how did you...” he pulls her phone out of his coat’s pocket, like a cheap magician would, showing it to her.

“Ah. The barmaid called me. She said you were very drunk and a guy who wouldn’t take no for an answer had followed you into the restrooms”

“Oh”

“I thought I had told you to be careful, mmh?”

“Wait a minute. How did she know to call you?” he shrugs.

“She said there were only two other recent numbers, one didn’t pick up and she didn’t think it was wise to call your dad, clever girl, deserves a raise”

“Oh”

“Oh?”

“The other number’s Danny’s” he pulls away from her at the mention of his name.

“Right” The both turn away from the other and pretend not to shiver as the cool air hits their warmed-up chests.

“Oh, stop it with that stupid grumpy act. We broke up, okay? Happy?” He turns to stare at her, eyebrows raised.

“He dumped me, actually. Couple of hours ago”

“I see” she sighs at his usual melodramatic antics.

“You see what, Doctor?” she asks irritated.

“Why you decided to douse your liver in cheap alcohol and put yourself in danger” She decides to ignore his patronising tone and focus on something that has been bothering her for the whole evening.

“Doctor, what will happen to Orson now? Will he disappear?” he knits his brows.

“You know, the pioneer time-traveller we saved from the end of the world? The one from my future that looked exactly like Danny?”

“Did he? Look, it doesn’t matter. What we saw was just one possible future. Time is not a straight line; your future is always changing. Orson was just one possible outcome”

“So, Danny and I, we’re not...”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Destined to be together?” he actually laughs at that.

“Clara, don’t be ridiculous, there is no such thing as destiny”

“Oh” She looks down at her hands. _Oh._

He regards her for a moment, then whips out his sonic and points it in her direction.

“Yup. Just as I suspected” he purses his lips at the readings.

“What?”

“Your hormones are enhancing your inebriated state”

“My hormones?”

“You should try and sleep it off” He points his fingers towards the exit.

She looks at the door hesitantly, then back at him. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“Stupid, no. Drunk, yes” he’s already setting out coordinates for who knows where.

“YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ABANDON ME HERE AGAIN!” she yells.

The Doctor sighs. Frustration surging at lightning speed. He counts to ten. Twice. “ _Clara...”_

“Oh, no. Don’t you ‘ _Clara_ ’ me. I’m not g...” The timelord’s fist suddenly collides with the control panel with a sickening loud jarring noise and causing sparks to fly. His stormy eyes find Clara’s bewildered ones. His voice is a low menacing growl when he speaks.

“Do you think I’m having fun here? I’m trying to save your life, Clara, to do the right thing while I still can. For once, do what you’re told.” _No, she can’t - won’t - let him abandon her. Especially after that little stunt._

“ _No_ ”

“Be very careful of your next words, Clara”

“If this is some kind of sick play to scare me away, know that it won’t work. I’m not scared of you”

“You should be.”

“Why? Cause you’re the big bad Timelord?” he glowers at her.

“No. Because I’m not sure I am a good man anymore” She starts and stares at him. _Of course. Wounded animals attack._

“Is that it? You’re pushing me away because you’re afraid of hurting me?”

“ _Clara._..”

“Look, I don’t care. You’re right; I’m too drunk for this. I’m going to sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

She makes her way to the corridor without waiting for an answer, then stops as a thought comes to her.

“Which way is the spare bedroom?” he looks perplexedly down at her. Anger still seeping in the corners of his psiche.

“I don’t know. Why, is your room not to your liking anymore?”

“My room?”

“Yes. Your room. The one I made for you when you started sleeping on the TARDIS”

“But I haven’t slept here in ages! I thought... When you redecorated... and all that talk about not being my boyfriend...” His eyebrows drew in confusion.

“It’s always been there, Clara. You’re the one who decided not to use it anymore” He’s looking at her with such sadness and pain that she feels her heart constrict. _We really need to talk, Doctor._

She swallows hard and looks back to the half-lit corridor.

“Go on, the TARDIS will lead you”

Once she’s well out of sight, the Doctor trudges up to his leather chair and drops his weight on it. Covering his face with his hands, pulling at his silver curls. He exhales slowly through his nose.

He can feel his resolve crumbling with every moment Clara spends inside the TARDIS. All of the perfectly good reasons he had for staying away from her were eluding him now. Apparently, she wasn’t happy nor safe on earth. He runs his hands through his wild mane again. He already knows that come morning it will be impossible for him to leave her again. Just knowing her safe inside of his old blue box is enough to soothe his frayed nerves.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are my only source of income!


End file.
